” Nina’s voice. She’s standing in the door.“Noooo, not nearly,” Matt defended.“Come in and sit down,” I said.“I don’t wanna interrupt...”“Not interrupting.”“So what are you doing with my daughter?” Nina asked.“I’m being perfectly honorable,” Matt said. “She’s pretty, she’s smart, well-mannered, despite the questionable influence of her home life...”“Touché’!” I said.“We tried to raise her awareness of predatory males,” Nina replied, not flinching one iota.“You two play nice,” I refereed. I noted that Nina’s eyes spoke a different message than her snarky mouth.“I’m trying very hard to be acceptable, Nina,” Matt said. “My pants fit, I know more multi-syllable words than motherf ... I have a vocabulary. I have multiple career options, one of which I’m working now. So if I formally request to date Sandy...”She smirked. “Dazzling credentials, Matt. And since you already dated Sandy, you’re a bit late.”“Just sorta grew,” he retorted. “And since she’s eighteen...”“Approval of the parents, in. How long ago was that? Threehours? Four?What do I care?Nothing matters any more.Nothing.Richard Brookbank is dead. I will be a woman for the rest of my life.For the rest of my life...I cover my face with my hands. I want the world to end tonight. WhetherAmerica invades Iran and the Soviets respond by pouring tanks across theborder, or an asteroid lands smack in the middle of ICI Billingham it'sall the same to me.As long as I don't see another morning.Very slowly, as though every chemical reaction taking place in my muscleshas to be initiated separately, I raise my head from the pillow. In whatremains of the light I study the now familiar configurations of tinyfreckles peppering the skin between my elbows and the sleeves of my T-shirt, then watch the recurrent motion of my breasts as I take in air andexpel it.My freckles.My breasts.Not Ruth's.Mine.For as long as I continue to exist.I'm female, and I always will be.Why didn't you tell me, Suki? Did you think it was kinder to let.
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